


Sudden Storm

by Rakath



Category: Degrassi
Genre: Alternate version of Thunderstruck, F/F, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:54:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22956760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rakath/pseuds/Rakath
Summary: Maya and Zoe in the Dot during Thunderstruck... only this time written by someone who ships it so it goes the way you'd expect I'd write it.
Relationships: Maya Matlin/Zoë Rivas
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

I needed a few moments to get my bearings. For starters, my head was killing me. I wasn’t in my room. I wasn’t in my house either. This was the- weird under-21 club that over the Dot? Right, the storm, I came up here because after Zoe smashed in the front door it was too cold to stay down there without power.

I tried to move my arm but it was like a heavy blanket was pinning it down, I looked at it. Not a blanket. As I processed what I saw, that pushed past the last remnants of sleep, and the previous night all came back.

“Oh fuck me…”

***

Fuck it was cold, why couldn’t Zoe just leave me alone!? I could have frozen to death and died out there, and that would have sucked a lot less than this. Still, she smashed in a door to get us out of the rain. So really it was her fault we’re still cold, if she hadn’t done that the Dot would still have a front door and no rain would be splashing in at my ankles.

I stood there, glaring, as Zoe rifled through the counter of the Dot. The power was out so nothing worked. Coming in here was a stupid plan, why were all of Zoe’s plans so stupid? Stupid Zoe. She pulled out some plastic bags, some bottles of water, a lot of day old cupcakes… where did the cupcakes come from, how many days old were the day old cupcakes.

“Aha!” She was holding a set of keys up.

Stupid Zoe interrupting my quest to figure out where the cupcakes came from.

She loaded the plastic bags with the stolen food, water, and shirts. Then left a few bills from her purse on the register. “Let’s go.”

“Go where? I already followed you into the stupid dot, I’m not going anywhere else with you.”

“We’re going upstairs so we don’t freeze to death. That door isn’t smashed.” She held up the key, and spoke slowly like she thought I was an idiot. I wasn’t the stupid one, Zoe’s the stupid one.

“Fine- but this is still your fault.”

Zoe rolled her eyes and dragged me out what was left of the Dot’s door.

***

Arms wrapped around me, and I looked down at Zoe fucking Rivas wearing some tablecloths I didn’t want to think too hard on. “Morning.”

“I’m not ready to talk about all this.”

“Oh, no, I’m not either. We should probably get you home so Zig stops freaking out.”

“Zig!” That was something I forgot. We ran out of the house on our own without him. He probably thinks we either killed each other, or died in the storm, or both! How could I be so stupid, and without me mom would probably kick him out, and then he’ll be back in a gang and-

I tried to get up, but someone still had her arms around me and wasn’t letting me run off again. “Let go!”

“You’re naked, we need to find pants, and then you can run home to your boyfriend.”

I stopped trying to get up, “...Fine. But he isn’t my boyfriend. He’s just- Zig.”

_ My _ Zig. How did he even know Zoe? Of course, Zig and Zoe weren't nearly important to think about right now, finding clothes was probably more important, but my mind was somewhere else.

***

Zoe was rather forceful stripping me out of my clothes. I thought, a few times, that she was going to steal my dress, knife me, then leave me here to be found in the morning. It felt right, given our history. But… she just threw a shirt at me and then stripped herself.

I didn’t put on the shirt, I was a little too busy looking at her. She was really pretty. It was stupid someone like her got to be pretty. Or maybe someone that pretty ended up like her. You could see why guys wanted her, girls (and Tristan) wanted to be like her character, because she just looked so… good.

“If you freeze to death I’ll be trapped in here with a body, put on the damn shirt.”

I put on the damn shirt.

Zoe took her phone out and started looking through what was up here. Above the Dot, according to Katie, was a club one of the former Degrassi students opened. Right when the place started up it had a lot of good traffic. But without Pete, I think that’s his name, it kinda fell out of use. Occasionally being rented out for events by the nice old guy who runs The Dot.

Everything had a layer of dust on it except the storage shelves put up near the door, and the pool table. Guess we know what Mr. Mason does with his breaks.

“Okay, this will work,” Zoe pulled out some tablecloths and two sleeping bags. She dropped what she found on the pool table and came over to me. “Sit down, drink some water, don’t run back into the storm. If that shirt gets wet you’ll have to be naked and- really I don’t wanna deal with you naked right now.”

Stupid Zoe had to be right a few times, I sat down, sipped at the water she gave me, and watched her turn a small patch of floor into a bed. Or something bed adjacent. She kept talking as she worked, “There’s a lot of random junk up here, I’m guessing someone just has a crappy little apartment or something. Fishing gear, camping gear, a real outdoorsy type.”

“Why are you doing all this, you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“You ditched me at a club to steal my best friend, made out with my boyfriend, got me to strip in a video for millions of people-”

“I didn’t do that because I hated you. I just- didn’t care about you, you were in my way.”

“What about the wine.”

“Wine?”

“Paris. The wine you just poured on me for daring to look almost as good as you.”

“You looked better than me, and you were trying to steal my boyfriend.”

“I was trying to make you jealous, I didn’t care about Miles! I wanted to stay away from him. I did that to make you shut up.”

Zoe went quiet. She wasn’t looking at me. She wasn’t laying out tablecloths on the floor anymore either.

“That’s why he broke up with you. Just- you being that crazy drove him off.”

“He told me.” Saying the words caused her to start moving again, “I didn’t hate you.”

“Then what was it, cause I’m not stupid enough to believe you just felt nothing. If you didn’t want to be my friend, just- don’t be my friend. Why set me up with a music video, use what I wanted against me, like a sociopath!”

“Because you were happy!” Whatever happened with Zoe to make her nice to me, broke. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked, but at least if she kills me the police will totally catch her and she can’t hurt anyone else, “You had friends, and any boy would kill to be with you! You’re talented, and your career is laid out in front of you! You get to have everything while-”

“While you’re alone, every boy you liked left. You lost your job, and you’re not sure if you’ll get another one.”

Zoe stopped moving. A puppet without strings again, “So you can see why it was- easy, to look at you being nice, and see pity.”

I didn’t really know what to say to that, I just… sipped the water. And felt bad about all this. Maybe if I was a little more attentive, saw a bit more of Zoe outside of ‘that bitch who ditched me to steal my only friend’ none of this would have happened. Maybe if I wasn’t so terrified of being alone I would have let Tris and Zoe go out, become friends, and none of this would have happened. Maybe if I stayed home, didn’t go to Paris, I would have noticed how much trouble Zig was in. And he wouldn’t have ended up selling drugs, and-

Zoe’s hands were on my face, directing me to look at her. “You spaced out, I wasn’t sure what that was.”

“Everything this year was my fault. Zig being in a gang- Miles’s dad is still- Tristan and that skeevy- and you and Drew, and-”

“Okay weirdo, start over, and breathe. What the hell is all this?”

“I-” my heart was racing, the thoughts were flooding in. Did Zig come after us, Zoe told him to stay put but he’s Zig, he’s an idiot but he’s my idiot. What about Miles and Tristan, neither of them were talking to me, were they at the dance? No, they’d skip it but what if they went out somewhere else and were trapped and-

“Maya!”

I snapped back into the room.

“Why are you like this?”

“I-”

“Tristan would never explain what happened to you last year, you and two boys had to be some juicy gossip. But he never talked about it. And Zig wouldn’t either, except to tell me to leave you alone.” Her hands were still warm against my cheeks, not as clammy as I thought they’d be given how cold everything is right now. She was inches away, looking at me with…

Actual concern.

“I- someone I cared about, died. Suddenly. I didn’t see it coming, I couldn’t stop it. I should have stopped him, I should have.”

“Maya!” The thoughts stopped as I was looking in Zoe’s eyes, it was weird. She had to be acting, this was an act to find out who I was or- did- did Zoe actually worry about people. “Trying to control everything is how I fucked up this year. I tried to hurt you to keep Miles, and lost him. I tried to turn Tristan against you, and he wouldn’t. I tried to keep Drew from dumping me, and he did that. I had someone actually care about me during the worst day of my life, and this was after I hurt her so much she’d never be my friend. You’re not better than me, so you definitely can’t control the world if I can’t. No matter how much this school revolves around you.”

It was weird- like, she definitely hates me. Or hates my life. But she doesn’t hate me right now, if she did why would she still have her hand on my face, trying to keep me focused. Why would her eyes be so intent, and full of feelings that aren’t hate. Cause those aren’t the eyes of someone that hates me.

I would know, I look in a mirror every day.

“Why didn’t you help me get into the club?”

“Huh?” Zoe looked a little like I changed the subject.

Maybe I did change the subject, “Before Paris, we hadn’t met Miles yet. You swooped in to steal Tristan because he idolized your show. But you already were trying to get rid of me. I didn’t do anything to you yet. Why not be nice to me, just to make Tristan love you more?”

“I-” Zoe stopped looking at me, and her hands fell away from my face. I kind of missed them, this room was freezing. But I was more focused on how much this question seemed to hurt Zoe. “I googled you after meeting you. Cello prodigy, already being scouted for major orchestral placements. I don’t handle being in someone else’s shadow, Tristan would be my entourage. Even if right now I’m the name everyone knows in a year. I’d just be your friend, and my career would just be a footnote on that.”

“Zoe. That’s really fucked up.”

It was my turn to cup her cheek, look with worry into her eyes. How does someone end up that twisted up? That friendship is somehow a competition. Oh, right, because from the moment I met her I felt it was a competition, and did some stupid shit to win it.

Way to go me.

***

“Found anything?”

“Nothing yet, I found some waders for fishing but we could both share one if we wanted.”

Zoe was silent at that.

I shouldn’t have said it, it made things awkward after last night. Why am I so stupid!?

“Hard pass. Keep looking.”

Zoe was in the storage closets by the bathroom, while I was looking through the shelves of junk. I think Mr. Mason just moved a lot of stuff he didn’t use regularly here? I was finding a lot of camping and cycling gear. Half a drum kit was in some of the boxes. As well as some shirts and homemade music albums. I grabbed two of them, never heard of “Stüdz” (yes, with an umlaut) or “Downtown Sasquatch.” But it might be hilarious to listen to. Some of it was ladies stuff, maybe he had a wife? He wore a ring when he wasn’t working on food.

“Got something.”

I took the pair of CDs and walked over to Zoe and whatever she found. “I don’t even want to know.”

Poodle skirts.

“Probably some theme night when this place was open, who cares. They’ll fit us and it’s better than some ugly guy’s fishing pants.”

Zoe walked over and handed me one of the matching pair of skirts, I looked away first.

“Oh don’t be weird, it isn’t like it was your first time.”

I didn’t look up.

“Wait- it was? You and Miles never?”

I didn’t answer for a short eternity, “After my last boyfriend, I never quite got there. We did stuff, but… no, not that.”

“Oh, well- okay then.”

***

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Two sleeping bags, two sleeping areas.”

“You’re kidding me? It’s freezing, just, we’ll share both sleeping bags and maybe not lose any toes.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

Zoe stopped setting up a second pile of tablecloths and dragged the second sleeping back with the first. “Well?”

I padded over and lay down next to her. She reached over and zipped us into the first sleeping bag, they lay the second one over top. It was a tight fight. Not that Zoe and I are really very big, but the sleeping bag is meant for one. She wrapped an arm around me.

“So does this mean we’re going steady or something?” I asked, hoping we could get some sort of non-serious conversation going.

“Shut up, I don’t have any place to put my arms.”

“So is that why your hand is on my tit?” Her hand was on my stomach.

She squeezed, “Jerk.”

“I’m not  _ that _ flat.”

“Oh, I’ve noticed, everyone’s noticed. You’re a bit shameless.”

“At the start of the year people still thought I was twelve, I feel okay flaunting a little. You should have seen me at the end of last year.”

“Oh?” Zoe asked.

“So I was  _ kinda _ acting out, went to school with a see through white shirt and a bright pink bra. A lot of boys ran into lockers.”

“Poor them, being so dumb a pretty girl ruined their ability to look ahead.”

“So… you and Zig?”

Zoe sighed, “I don’t know, he was nice to me when almost everyone else was awful. Maybe if I hadn’t fucked up so royally with you before, I would have asked you to the dance.”

I squirmed around in the sleeping bag, turning so I could face Zoe, studying her. As best I could, my glasses weren’t actually on.

“What?”

“You- like me.”

“I don’t hate you, yes.”

That wasn’t what I said, “No, you  _ like _ me.”

Something changed, really would be nice if I could see better. But between the dark and my glasses being off I just had to feel this out. I put my hand on Zoe’s waist, mostly out of having nowhere else to put it. She gasped.

“You do!”

“Shut up.”

I smirked.

“Just because your hot doesn’t mean you’re not annoying.”

“You like me  _ and _ you want me. I’m flattered.”

“Can you turn back around, or-?”

“Or?” I wasn’t sure where that was going. Her voice shifted, then dropped off before she finished the alternative. I guess it was weird to be face to face in a sleeping bag.

“It’s dumb.”

“Or what?”

I’m not sure if Zoe shifted to meet me, or pulled me in to her. But her lips were on mine. After a slight accident where her lips found my chin first.

It was dark.

I kissed back. Why did I kiss back? I mean sure, I was just teasing her for actually liking me. But I didn’t think she  _ actually liked me _ . That’d be weird. Not- you know, homophobic weird, just this year was already weird enough with her tricking me into making a sexy music video and- I mean- maybe that was a clue?

These were all thoughts I decided, right now, could wait. Wait until Zoe’s hands were less warm, we had more clothes on than a pair of shirts that barely made it past our thighs. Wait until we weren’t sharing a sleeping bag and a passionate, but a little weird, kiss.

***

“Do you regret it?”

“Do you mean the sex, or all the burglary?”

“The sex.”

The walk home should have been faster in clear skies compared to the torrential downpour last night. But we weren’t fueled by anger and alcohol. So our feet moved a bit slower.

Also we both had on heels that fucking hurt.

“It was your first time, shouldn’t I be asking you that.”

“I regret all the stuff I said while I was drunk, but not anything after you stripped me naked.” Wait, shit, “Not how I meant that.”

“No, I know, I just- it was a one night thing. Last night was weird, and the storm, and we talked about a lot of stuff. And we got caught up.”

“But do you regret it?”

“I’m not gay.”

“Not the question.”

“No. As fucked up as it was for me to take your virginity after all the shit we’ve done, I didn’t regret it. But it isn’t happening again, cause I’m not gay.”

I didn’t really believe her. But- it’d been a long night and I needed a shower, and real clothes. I drifted closer and laced my finger with hers, “So… friends?”

Zoe rolled her eyes, “I guess. No benefits.”

I smirked, “Oh, if you want to do that again you’re definitely buying me dinner. A real dinner, not day old cupcakes.”

“You ate like four!”

“You made me, to get me to stop being so drunk!”

“Uh huh, sure, only reason.” She smiled.

“Shut up.” I smiled back.

And we were still holding hands. I was waiting for her to let go.

She only did when we got back to my house. Probably because she saw Zig thundering down the sidewalk.

“Zoe, Maya, you’re both okay, I was worried sick about the both of you.” He drew the both of us into a hug.

“Okay mom, but we’re fine.”

“Totally fine.”

He looked at the pair of us, “You’re… together, and nobody looks like they threw punches.”

“We’ve…” Zoe looked over at me for an explanation to give.

“Come to an understanding. A few times.” I smirked.

Zoe froze, for just a second, catching exactly what I meant. But she let the double entendre roll away and just back to business, “Can we go inside and get cleaned up? It was a long night.”

“Um, sure. The door’s still unlocked.”

Zoe slipped her shoes off and walked barefoot into my house.

“So… what happened.”

“Oh, girl stuff, please relax. Is there coffee?”

“I- guess I’m making a pot of coffee,” Zig definitely had questions he wanted to ask. I couldn’t blame him, but I had questions and those came first. Once I knew what the hell it was, maybe I’ll tell Zig.

But probably not.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sequel that came into my mind, this time it's all Zoe's POV.

I had my arms around Maya. It didn’t mean anything, other than Maya’s bed was too small. And that she was warm. Her skin was soft under my hand. I don’t think Mrs. Matlin suspected anything, not that we were a thing. Zig probably thought we were, he looked so wounded, and stopped being as nice to me as he was before the storm. He followed Maya like a dutiful puppy.

He wanted her when she was mine.

Oh, I didn’t like that thought. It was so… close to being a relationship. I needed a distraction. A better one than just letting my eyes linger on the slope of her neck, “Maya, you going to explain what happened in the computer lab?”

She didn’t answer. Her breathing was wrong for sleeping, it’s more soft and shallow when she’s asleep in my arms. This was methodical and controlled, something she learned to try and help with- whatever the computer lab was today.

“I know you’re awake.”

“What’d your mom say to get you upset, when we were going home?”

***

“You can drive, right?” I asked, Zig was a moron but sometimes he was rather useful. He also cared about people, which helped.

Maya clung to my arm as we headed for her car, it hurt a bit. I didn’t care. If she wasn’t acting so damn weird I might have cared, if she was doing it on purpose but this was-

I had know idea what this was.

Still, she was walking, and breathing, and not breaking things. Other than maybe my skin. But I’ve had worse. We’d get her home, maybe that’ll solve it.

“Zoe,” my mother said, from the driver’s seat of her car, outside of the school.

I glanced up to Zig, “Get Maya in the car, alright?” Once he and Maya were on their way, I turned back to my mother. “I texted for you not to come.”

“Yes, you’re sleeping over at Maya’s. Is this about that boy with her, because you can do better. Although…” My mother was evaluating Zig, I knew what her evaluations were. I learned her tastes, her priorities, long ago. She saw he was poor, but handsome. He’d make good eye candy for gossip rags, but a terrible social move. Maybe a few calculations that he might help my image if I were to transition to music. But absolutely nothing if I get back into film.

“My friend is having a rough day.”

“I don’t understand why you spend so much time with her, and worrying over her won’t get you a new job.” There it was, the truth in all things. Mom wasn’t here to question why I wasn’t coming home, she wanted to know why I wasn’t working.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, mother.” I’m a good actress, amazing really. But when it came to my mother she always brought out the truth in me.

“That girl, she isn’t…” My mother didn’t ask the question. I assumed it was less to do with a polite way to ask, and more to do with how many people were around to hear her. “Interested. In you.”

“We really have to go.” I answered. I gave her a kiss on the cheek, and ran off to meet up with Zig and Maya by her car.

***

“I didn’t know you were paying attention.”

“You were acting weird.”

“I’ll answer, but you have to explain what happened in the computer lab. Deal.”

Maya answered by tracing a fingertip delicately over my hand and arm.

“You’re not going to try that to get out of answering. I’m not really in the mood, and that’ll just annoy me. Also Zig will hear us.”

I could hear the pout in her voice, “But… its stupid.”

I pulled her a little closer, brushing my hand over her stomach.

She sighed, “I keep having… nightmares, about Miles.”

My first thought, entirely not what I wanted, was she had a nightmare of Miles hurting her. Miles was a lot, and did a lot of things, so I could see him hurting anyone, even a girl he loved. And Maya was the sort of idiot that, if Miles hurt her, she’d blame herself for it. But- no, no that didn’t make sense. Maya was desperate to confirm Miles was okay, not where Miles was.

“His dad’s still awful, and Miles has just been…”

“Using more drugs?”

Maya jerked her head, rather than say it aloud. Pieces falling together. Tristan wanted to complain about Miles’s behavior, but refused to admit anything was less than sunshine and rainbows. He’s also a terrible actor, so it was easy for me to figure out what it was.

“You’re worried he might hurt himself.”

Maya jerked her head again.

I sighed, “Sit up.”

Maya did. I fumbled to her nightstand for her brush and sat behind her. After taking a moment to appreciate her silhouette in the dark. She was gorgeous, all the way down. I hated it.

I loved it.

Part of it was because of how bad she was at all the things I learned. Maya’s make-up generally looked like a twelve year old playing at being older. Her hair was healthy but if she just used a brush more than ‘make sure it wasn’t knotted’ that’d go a long way. But, the advantage to this, was that I found she relaxed a little if you took care of her. Not enough she felt coddled, but just enough she felt cared for.

“Miles is a big boy, with Winston there to keep an eye on him. Who will probably come running to you if he thinks you can help.” I let my hands work, moving her hair and brushing in the dark. Occasionally my hand drifted to her neck or shoulder for  _ no _ reason at all. Definitely not because touching her felt nice. “But more importantly you’re no good to him if you’re not taking care of yourself, got it?”

Maya hummed her assent, rather than say anything. 

“Good,” she was quieter, and when my hand was on her neck her pulse felt a little less like a rock number. I moved out from behind her, put the brush down, and gave her a quick platonic and not meant to be anything else kiss on the cheek. Because we’re friends, good friends. And I want her to know I’m here for her.

Maya took it as an invitation to straddle me and kiss me, square on the lips. It was frustrating, we weren’t quiet and there was no way we could do what I wanted with her entire family home. And Zig. Although Zig hearing us might not be the worst.

He’d definitely know she was mine.

“Now then, what did your mom say to you?” Maya asked, now that she had me pinned to her bed, a little turned on, and painfully aware of how pretty she was when softly lit by the moon outside her window.

“...I hate you.”

“Just tell me.”

***

“Zoe, if you want, you can take the couch. Or I’ll kick Zig out of his room if you’d rather some privacy.”

“That’s alright, Mrs. Matlin. I’ll just stay with Maya.”

“Okay, but maybe if you take Zig’s room he’ll clean it for once.”

“Hey. That hurt.”

Maya was taking a bath, destressing or whatever. Leaving me in the kitchen with Mrs. Matlin and Zig. Zig was wearing an apron working on several things for dinner. It was a strange look, gang member drug dealer Zig Novak in a lilac apron making a pot roast. Not what I expected, and I’ve been here for dinner enough times to see Zig cook before.

It never stopped being amusing.

“Well, I have some work to do in my office, if you need anything.”

“I’m fine, Mrs. Matlin. Really.” I answered, smiling. Honestly, having someone so concerned I was taken care of was weird. I got used to it with Maya, she’s a mess who cares about everyone. And we’ve had sex, so her concern at least had some selfish desire to it. But her mom being worried about me was weird.

My mom never gave me that much thought.

After Mrs. Matlin left the room Zig and I shared a few moments of silence before Zig spoke, “You probably don’t want to share Maya’s room.”

“She doesn’t snore, and doesn’t hog the covers.”

“Not that- she’s been having nightmares, waking up in the middle of the night. Screaming, you just will sleep better on the sofa.”

I got up, gave my hip a slight little swish as I did. Zig was looking, he did notice. Poor dumb idiot. And walked over to him. “Your pot roast is burning.”

“What, crap-” Zig scrambled to check. I took the moment to head for the stairs. “Not funny!”

***

“She’s just- she thinks you’re into me.” I mumbled.

Here I was, in bed with a girl. Wearing her pajamas, while she pinned me down. After we were cuddling and I brushed her hair to help her relax.

“Oh no, that’s awful.” Maya was generally looking at me. I was sure between the dark room and no glasses she couldn’t see my face. But her sarcasm was not appreciated. She sat a little more on me. As if to make a point.

Didn’t appreciate that either.

“Mom’s… really Catholic.” I looked away, just with my eyes in the hopes Maya would think I was still looking at her. I hated this part, how my ‘worked in Hollywood’ Mom was also somehow completely unable to move past the idea ‘man and wife.’

“Is this why we’re friends, just friends, no benefits? Cause your mom would get mad at you?” Maya using my own words against me was annoying. I always said ‘just friends, no benefits.’ To make it clear we couldn’t be more than what we were.

I usually said it after we fooled around, which I suppose is a part of the mixed messages Maya struggled with.

“She’s not like your mom, she won’t just- be okay with me having a girlfriend. Okay?”

Maya… smiled.

Shit.

“Shut up.”

Maya kissed me.

“Seriously, Maya, shut up. I didn’t mean that.”

She was laughing. On the plus side, after a day like today Maya being able to laugh felt really nice. Just- proof she wasn’t all bad thoughts and obsession. But seriously I didn’t mean it.

I didn’t.

… Did I mean it?

She was smiling in the moonlight, the laughter was really sweet. Even if it was at my expense, today had been a lot. She was pretty, and my mom would hate it, and Zig would be jealous. And-

I pushed up from the bed and caught Maya off guard with a kiss. Pulling her back to the bed and trying to flip us so I was on top. Maybe all that would distract Maya and she’d stop laughing.

Maya did stop laughing, we ended up tangled in her bedsheets. My hand under her shirt, her hand on my thigh. My heart was racing but the good way, it felt right. It felt  _ so _ right. Because I was kissing someone who cared about, who wanted to be around me, who worried about me even when she was having some weird freak-out. Someone who loved me.

And someone I loved.

Someone I loved!?

I stopped, and did something midway between getting and falling out of Maya’s bed, leaning against the side.

Someone  _ I _ loved.

A few moments later Maya’s head was leaning on my shoulder. I really needed to figure out how someone with all the grace and motor skill of a drunk hippo could move that quietly. When did she get out of bed?

God she was so annoying.

Moreso because she was cute.

“Your mom would really be that freaked out.”

“She’s all I’ve ever had. And-” I leaned against Maya in turn, “One time, a few years ago, the writers floated the idea that Gatsby should have a fling with a girl. It’d be good for ratings, push a new dynamic for my character.”

“Pretty sure if that plot happened Tris would have gushed about it.”

“It never happened. I met the girl that was going to be her love interest, we hung out a few days. Neither of us were gay, but we had to at least be comfortable with each other if this plot was going to happen.”

Maya’s hand was resting on mine now. I turned my hand over so we could lace fingers.

“And then suddenly she got a role in a movie being filmed in Vancouver, the plot was scrapped and nobody brought it up again.” I sighed, “My mother called in a favor, and a role she had scouted for me she suggested this other girl for. Also got the writer who pitched the idea fired.”

Maya didn’t say anything, not for a minute. Maybe five. Maybe an hour. It was dark and time is annoying. “But you like this, right?”

I loved this, you absolute pest. “I guess.”

“And if we had the house to ourselves?”

“I’d probably already be kissing your inner thigh.”

“I’ll go kick Zig out right now,” Maya started to get up, I held onto her by the fact we were still holding hands.

“Please, Maya, just… stay.”

Maya sat back down, it was my turn to lean on her.

“We don’t need to be anything official. If your mom is going to try and send me off to Newfoundland for sleeping with you, but…”

“But?”

“Do you actually- do you have feelings for me?”

I pulled away enough to look at her, facing her windows the moonlight made her features a little easier to read. She was worried. She was always worried. But what the hell was she worried about now? It couldn’t be that she’d hurt me by accident, right? No, it was something else. It was-

She had feelings for me.

“Yes, you moron. I think I actually love you.”

She smiled again.

“Shut up.”

“Hmm,” Maya pretended to think about it, “No.”

Typical. The annoying answer.

Wouldn’t have it any other way with her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone finally discovers Maya and Zoe are a thing.
> 
> Someone they have in common.
> 
> First person POV: Miles Hollingsworth III

“That wasn’t about me, was it?”

She scrunched up her face, mocking me. “Not everything is about you, Miles.”

“I know, just recalling how this went last time.” We were basically in the same positions too. Her and I leaning against a wall. Far enough we could only touch the other if the other reached back. Close enough, but out of reach. How we were.

“I was wrong, then.”

“You broke into my house.”

“That also wasn’t about you.”

“You don’t owe me an explanation,” I offered, glancing over at her. Trying to see where she was. She was always so guarded, so subdued in all she was. Unless she was on stage.

...Or I threw a wild illicit baccanalia instead of a quiet night with her. She could be loud then.

“But if you wanna talk, I think I’ll understand.”

***

I didn’t really have a plan on where to go, Tristan broke up with me. Over her. I didn’t want to date her. Maybe I did, but she wouldn’t want me. Not- after everything. Who would want me? I was a mess, I destroyed, I ruined. I was ruined already, the best I could hope for was a flash of passion before they wised up.

Realized I wasn’t worth it.

She still cared about me, but she definitely wouldn’t date me.

I blinked at what I was seeing. Just to be sure I was sober. I wasn’t, but this definitely sobered me up right now.

Maya Matlin definitely didn’t want to date me.

Winston, in his attempts at comedy, regularly says that the best part of only dating one person is your exes can’t get together and compare notes.

I wonder what his thoughts would be at exes getting together to swap spit.

I didn’t run away fast enough, I should have just turned and left the room. Left Zoe sitting on a desk, Maya between her legs. Hands absolutely not in locations appropriate for public. And their lips crashing together in a hunger I was sure was all too real.

Because while Maya kissed me like that, that need that could only be found in passion, Zoe never did.

Zoe saw me first. Quickly pushing Maya away. Maya’s eyes followed Zoe’s sightlines to me, “Oh my God.”

“Didn’t mean to interrupt, I’ll just close this. As you were.” I tried to keep my voice calm, collected, casual. Not the voice of someone surprised to discover a girl I liked was making out with my ex. That sort of thing is complicated to deal with, and I didn't want to let on how much it was messing with me.

***

“So- the storm was very gay, I guess. That’s when Tristan and I got together.”

We were both sitting now. The same distance, the same place. Just a few feet closer to the earth. Not looking at each other except to steal a glance here or there, see what we could gleam from the other’s face.

“Not how that works.”

“How does any of this work, you’re dating someone who you wanted dead a few months ago.”

There was a breath, Maya wanted to say something. Share something but decided against it. I knew her well enough to know her tells. Instead she answered, “It’s complicated. She never hated me, she just couldn’t tell the difference.”

“The difference?”

“Between wanting my life and wanting me in her life.”

Pieces fell into place. As much as I assumed it was about me, because when isn’t it about me, Zoe’s desires were a bit more practical than romance. That was the lack of heat to them, that her desires weren’t about the sex. But about- some other longing.

Love, I guessed. Whatever love she could find. Like that of a wild hidonistic rich boy who was looking for any distraction. “So you two made out during the storm-”

Fortunately I was looking at Maya as I spoke, she tilted away from me. Just enough to try and hide some expression. Tell enough for me, “You two had a torrid night of passion in the storm.”

Her head whipped around to stare at me. I got it, she and Zoe did it.

“Am I wrong?”

She just looked at the floor.

“Now you two sneak around, finding classrooms to do it. Very discreet.”

“I think I want us to get caught. This is my fault.”

I shook my head, “Doubtful, she could always have said ‘not here.’ Zoe loves being seen, although I doubt I was the audience she wanted.” Maya didn’t want to get caught, but I recall often we’d get very involved in each other in all sorts of places. Zoe, meanwhile, was very specific about where we’d get passionate.

If I had to guess, Maya wanted to get laid, Zoe wanted to get caught. Have the fallout without whatever she was hiding from. I recall her having choice words about her mother more than once. In any event, I doubt I could get more from Maya right now. Plus, I owed her something of a warning.

“If Tristan is extra icy to you, that’s my fault.”

She didn’t ask it out loud, but when I caught the confusion on her face it was clear enough she needed more.

“He figured out I’m not over you. Full disclosure, I don’t know if that’s true, I’m not exactly the best at self-evaluation. But he dumped me on the spot.”

Maya groaned, frustration bubbling up. She had an easy out to any sort of confrontation with her former friend. But at the same time that out would mean whatever level of secret she was with Zoe, ends. Plus side, knowing this explained why Zig was acting like I ruined his life again.

He thought I was the one in Maya’s life.

“I’ll deal with it, thanks for the warning. How- are you?”

I did the only reasonable thing with that question, “I’m well enough.”

I lied.

***

I’d just left the dot, bag of various baked things in hand when someone reached out from behind a corner and hauled me into an alleyway. By the collar. The important part of this was I didn’t drop the bag of muffins.

“Hi Zoe, what will people think?”

“You’re not going to tell anyone, are you?”

“About the assault?” Zoe was never as cool as she tried to come off. I could tell she was more or less playing a part at being ‘cool’ I just didn’t realize the extent of how deep that ruse was. Honestly, had I known she was so much like me- we’d probably be good friends right now.

“Stop being cute, it’s a terrible look on you.”

“Only person I ever plan to out is myself. Your secret is safe with me.” I held my hands up, surrendering to her superior diplomatic skills.

She let go of my collar. She did a terrible job hiding her relief. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” She answered, too fast to be anything other than yes. “Not with you.”

“You have anyone else to talk about it with?” I already knew the answer, and I knew this afternoon would be a bit more entertaining for it. Besides, I knew all the players, I knew the score. I doubt anyone better than me existed in just this one instance.

And Zoe, given the amount of tension in her shoulders, knew it too. “Fine- you’re buying the food.”

Well, that was a given, wasn’t it.

We sat down in Little Miss Steaks, burgers and drinks for us both on the table. She hadn’t said anything yet. I didn’t push, I knew if I wanted a show I had to wait for the lead to be prepared. She was a diva that way. “How did you know, that you liked boys?”

“Tristan kissed me in Paris and I didn’t hate it.”

“Jerk, not what I meant. How did you know?”

“I thought about, and liked where my mind took it. There are twice as many people I can screw up a relationship with now.”

She stared at me for a moment, then went back to her food.

“And you, what did you learn about yourself?”

She considered for a moment, staring at her food. I suppose nobody asked her this before. Everyone had been asking me about dating Tristan. Most didn’t have a reason to know. So I lied, or hit on them if it’d make them uncomfortable. I never answered, because the answer wouldn’t mean anything.

Before here and now.

She stopped staring at her burger to look at me. Holding the meat, toppings, and bread up. “If this is what it’s like with Maya.”

She then ripped off a piece of the bun, soaked it in some of the juices from her burger, “This is what being with you or Drew was like.”

“Please don’t compare me to him, I’m eating.”

“My  _ point _ is that whatever I thought I’d get out of it, wasn’t there.”

“So, you’re gay. A lesbian, I suppose that’s the empowering term now.” I wasn’t sure the distinction, if there was one. I was Miles Hollingsworth III, who I dated didn’t change that I was Miles Hollingsworth III. I was still rich, handsome, devilishly charming. And absolutely a punishment from God on everyone in my life.

Zoe shrunk a little in her seat, and chewed on her burger. “Does she make you happy?”

She shot me a look, “I get it, you like having sex with her, eating her is very filling for you.”

Zoe choked on her burger.

“But does she make you feel good about yourself?”

She looked away, “I- the fact that after everything she’ll look at me, let alone anything else we may or may not do that is none of your goddamn business, makes me feel like maybe life is worth something.”

“Then don’t fuck it up. I don’t really want to see you get hurt, I don’t want her getting hurt either. We’ve both done enough of that for one year.”

Zoe put down her food, just soaking in the words. I wasn’t sure why I cared so much. Other than Maya, for some stupid reason, cared about me. “You can do better than Tristan. Maya’s mine, but find someone who looks out for you like she does. Okay?”

I didn’t think that was possible, so, again. I lied, “I don’t plan on screwing that up twice.”

I was fully aware I would screw that up a hundred more times.

But Zoe didn’t need to hear about how bad a person I was.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things end up completely in the open.
> 
> POV - Zig Novak

Zoe Rivas had just punched Tristan in the face.

It was a lot to take in. I had a lot of feelings, definitely tied up in what was happening. However, well, I had genuine concern if Ms. Pill caught her. So I sorta just picked her up and pulled her away from someone I was never really friends with, and wouldn’t mind seeing beaten up by a girl.

But- maybe not in the Rubber Room Hallway.

***

“You Hussy!”

I looked up to see Tristan storming over, eyes locked on Maya. At least she seemed as lost about this as I did. Of course there was a lot with Tristan I’d never understand. “I have a presentation for Armstrong.”

There was never a ton of weight to it when Maya made excuses, you could feel her forcing the level of ‘not now’ into it. And Tristan never listened to those words anyway.

“I don’t know what you did to steal Miles from me-”

“She’s not seeing the Rich Boy, I’d know,” I said, “Mostly I see Miles buying from Tiny’s brother.”

Maya gave me that ‘shut up you moron’ look, so I shut up. Tristan, however, seemed to want me to keep talking. “This isn’t about you, and your sad puppy love for Maya, Zigmund. Can’t you and your gang steal something with sleeves?”

I started to get up. Maya stood up faster, “Sit.”

I sat. She had her serious face on. And both of them were looking kinda scary.

Maya’s attention was back on Tristan, once I sat down. “You broke up with Miles. Who he’s seeing, and it isn’t me, isn’t any of your business. If he wants to tell me, he will. Or he’ll announce it in a press conference. Now I have homework.”

“You spent weeks seeing Miles behind poor Zigmund’s back, why should I believe a word a slut like you says.”

“Because I have a-” Maya stopped herself, “We’re not friends, Tristan! You called things off with me because I turned in the teacher that was taking advantage of you. Who I say  _ also _ isn’t any of your fucking business.”

I did my best not to laugh, I hadn’t seen Maya do that in a while. Not- for herself.

She packed her stuff quickly, “I’ll see you at home, okay Zig? I’ll get Zoe to drive me.”

I let Maya leave, then started laughing at Tristan’s expense.

“Oh shut up! She’s still not over Miles, so she won’t be giving you anything.”

“I dunno,” I said, smirking. “She gave me an amazing show just now.”

He scoffed, and made a big show of storming off. And I laughed as he left.

***

“Novak, what’s up with the Princess?”

“Maya? Nothing. I think after all the Tris stuff she just wants a real gal pal like Tori.” It’d been pretty strange, Maya’s new friendship with Zoe. But she didn’t seem to wanna make a sex tape or strand her in the desert or anything. If I thought Zoe was a danger I’d have done something. “You’re not exactly big on spa days and cute pajama sleepovers.”

Grace rolled her eyes, “I mean that, dummy.”

Maya was moving, she was storming down the hallway towards Tristan. Normally Zoe was the one moving like she had everywhere to be, but she looked bad. Like- not as bad as on that school bus. But it was bad.

That look in Maya’s eye was bad too. That- fury, that was a Maya on the warpath. I’ve seen her do that before. She’s done it for me, she’s done it to me. Whatever was about to happen… I should stay close, just in case.

I guess I wasn’t covering my fear well. “What’s going on?”

“No idea, just that its trouble.”

“What did you do?” Fortunately this was a Maya filled with anger, she was way scarier when she was jovial or just- disconnected.

“What, oh didn’t you know there are rules in this school about public displays of affection. It’d be wrong to not inform the principal if you know someone is abusing school resources.”

“You didn’t.”

“You meddled in my life, how does it feel?”

“It feels like you just outed me and Zoe to her mom, and you have no idea what that might do!”

Outed? As in- they had been having a lot of sleepovers. And- like, they were a lot more touchy feely than she ever was with Tori. But- no, cause she kissed me, and Moneybags. She wasn’t- right? No, definitely not.

I’d know.

“Being in the closet is so 2010.”

“This is why Miles doesn’t want anything to do with you, this is why all of them dumped you.” Maya saw that she had an audience, and ran stalked down the hallway.

“You’re why he’s dead-”

“Grace, take Maya home right now.”

Grace blinked up at me, “What?”

“Now, get her home  _ now _ .” Something about how I said it made it clear whatever happened next, it happened with Maya far from here. Because I did not want to see what happened if Tristan did what he was about to. Grace ran off and dragged Maya down the hall.

“What- Oh, you. Of course you’d take her side.”

And that was when Zoe Rivas, punched Tristan Milligan in the face.

***

“Put me down.”

It was less demand as it was sulk, now. I’d gotten her out of the hallway and into one of the music rooms. And put her down on a desk. “What were you thinking!?”

“That he was trying to hurt my girlfriend, and that he needed to shut his stupid mouth!?”

That hurt more than I thought it would. Maya was Zoe’s girlfriend. Tristan wasn’t just making things up, it wasn’t some game to mess with Maya’s head. She- had someone in her life again, and it wasn’t me. But- this isn’t about me right now, I can’t claim I haven’t hurt Maya by making it about me.

More than once.

“So you’ll get yourself thrown out of school?”

She looked down. “It won’t matter anyway. Pill called our parents.”

“Mrs. Matlin’s not going to have a problem with you and Maya dating. You’ll just have to sleep on the couch, probably.”

That didn’t seem to reassure Zoe. That should have reassured Zoe, Maya’s mom being cool with her being gay, or a lesbian, or whatever should have helped. “It isn’t Mrs. M you’re worried about.”

“My mom will hate me.”

I sat down next to her, “If she hates you over that, she has no taste at all. And you don’t need her.”

“How would you know?”

“Cause my mom kicked me out this year, and Maya’s why I’m not living in empty houses?” I answered. I didn’t talk about it much, Zoe had to know I wasn’t living at Maya’s house just because of her kitchen. 

Zoe stared at me, I hadn’t noticed how much she’d- wilted, I guess. Between being ready to kill Tristan and not having that distraction. But what was really knew was the- way she looked at me. She’s always been nice enough to me when she wasn’t being a total bitch to everyone, but now? Here, it looked like she understood me. Which was new.

“If your mom kicks you out for having good taste in women, and not for the drugs, and the bullying, she’s an idiot. And you deserve better.”

“She’s my only mom.”

“Which doesn’t mean you don’t deserve better.”

“...I think I see why Maya keeps you around.”

“Um, thanks.”

“Does Grace know, about Cam?”

I guess they were serious, Maya told her about Cam. Maya never talked about Cam, she’d mentioned him to me twice since last year. And only because I knew. “She knows enough, after we broke into Miles’s house.”

“Of course you were there for that.”

“Anyway,” I said, trying not to read into whatever she thought that said about me, “I gave Grace the table of contents version.”

“Cause, Maya definitely heard Tristan. So she’s probably a mess right now.”

“We’ll find them, talk her down. Then figure out what to do for you.”

“And if my mom tries to send me away?”

I smiled, “Maya’d storm the gates of hades to save people she hates, let alone someone she’s dating.”

Zoe brushed herself off, pulled out a compact and made sure she didn’t look like too much of a mess. “Good, let’s find my girlfriend. And make sure she’s okay. I want her to see it when I kill Tristan.”

I laughed, I shouldn’t have. But I did, “So… you and Maya all this year? That was your idea of flirting?”

Zoe looked down, “It was me being fucked up.”

“But at least you know why you were fucked up, that’s something.”

She definitely sounded like she didn’t buy that, “Yeah… it is something.”

***

When Zoe and I got home, Maya and Grace were there. So was Mrs. M.

None of that mattered, to Maya. Whatever had been going through her head, seeing Zoe took all that weight off her. And now that everyone in the room knew they were a thing Maya didn’t even hesitate to crash Zoe into the nearest wall with a kiss.

She never kissed me like that.

And- I guess, that was okay with me.

The three people not currently overcome with relief were doing their best to just not interrupt. Grace, however, was never one for annoying public displays, “So, Tristan?”

“Not dead. Yet.”

“If I see him,” Mrs. Matlin said, “I have every intention to give him a piece of my mind. Which does  _ not _ mean you are off the hook at all, young lady.” The last bit was clearly aimed for one person, and it finally got Maya to let Zoe go… enough that they could join the conversation. Maya was still clinging to her girlfriend like she might blow away in the wind at any moment.

“Your mom called,” Mrs. Matlin continued, attention now on Zoe, “She made a point in being clear she didn’t approve, and never wants you over here. Because of how my daughter clearly corrupted you. I pointed out that since dating Maya you haven’t cyberbullied anyone, I don’t think she likes me.”

Mrs. Matlin was always so good. Like- scary, but never any doubt why she was scary.

“Thanks. Mrs. Matlin,” Zoe said, whatever worry she had of disapproval gone.

“You can’t stay here, but if your mom is half of what Maya said, I’m sure we can find something.”

“I have space,” Grace said. I didn’t expect that, nobody expected that.

“You don’t even like Zoe.” I said it, someone had to say it and it may as well be me.

“True, but just because she’s evil doesn’t mean she deserves her mother.”

I glanced at Zoe, she looked somewhere between put out, and relieved. Maya’s fears I could guess well enough, we’ve known each other long enough after all. Being outed like that she was afraid Zoe might blame her, or worse her mother would steal Zoe away and that’d be another person to leave Maya and never come back.

Zoe’s fears I knew. As much as Grace calling her evil was uncalled for, offering her a place, and telling her she was better than what she got, was enough. It might not be home, but it would be better than nothing. Zoe didn’t question it, mostly I figured out of fear it’d disappear if she did.

“Now, my husband is coming home with dinner, you two are welcome to stay. Especially as I’d like to meet the girl dating my daughter. And see how she’s different from the girl who tortured my daughter.” There was an icy threat in there that Zig has definitely heard before, directed at him, in the past.

“I- apologized to Maya, for all of that. But, I should apologize to you too-”

“You don’t have to-” Maya started to protest but Zoe just barreled through.

“I’m sorry. I did a lot of things that I’m not proud of, and I definitely wouldn’t do again. And- thank you, for standing up to my mom.”

“Apology accepted, if you stay over you’ll be doing so in the living room.” Mrs. Matlin said it, and with it rode out of the room as there was nothing else to be said.

Leaving me, Grace, Maya, and Zoe alone for a few seconds. It took me that long to realize what I needed to do. “Grace, let’s go set the table.”

She was smarter than me, “Right, sure. Don’t have sex before dinner.”

Maya rolled her eyes at that.

Once we were out of the room, leaving them alone, it gave Grace the chance to ask me something, “You’re okay with all this?”

Was I? Maya was into moneybags and I still was hoping she’d see me. She was into Cam, and I was hoping she’d see me. Now she was into the TV star, but… now I didn’t need her to see me. “Gotta be. Maya’s my best friend, other than you and Tiny. And if this is what makes her happy. Well… she’s my oldest friend.”

“Nerd.”

“You just took in her girlfriend for her. Don’t act like you’re better than me.”

“Fair. Even if I  _ am _ better than you.”

I rolled my eyes, “We really should set the table, give those two lovebirds as much time as they can get.”

I may not be smart, but I knew there’d be a lot of hell to pay in the future after- all of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... most people that know me know I have issues with Zig Novak as a character. However, Zig is shown to actually care about others some of the time when he's not actively lusting after Maya. So I figure him putting his lust for Maya behind him to protect her and Zoe from - more or less- themselves, is the right space for him.
> 
> Tristan however I have zero time for and can be the villain of this story.


	5. Outside Observer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How things have changed, from the perspective of someone on the edge of all of this.
> 
> Winston Chu.

“That’s still not weird for you,” I said, staring at the pair of lovebirds.

Not in the creepy ‘two girls kissing is hot’ way, just the ‘I distinctly remember them trying to kill each other. More than once.’ of it all. And now that Tristan had made their private relationship public, and Zoe was living with Grace of all people, they had zero issue being seen at the Cantina, or the Dot, or right outside the school grounds, making out.

“I’ve known longer than you have, Chewie.” The matter-of-factness to Miles’s answer betrayed there was more to his feelings than he wanted to let on. Best Friends are aware when something is wrong. More wrong than usual, in the case with Miles. He did at least seem to be sober and here, which was an improvement over previous months.

“They’re both your exes.”

“I am aware.” It was the resignation in his voice. That’s what was bothering me. Miles was never one to ‘give up.’ Ever, he didn’t fight his dad all the time, but he never gave up against his father, merely picked some battles as not worth it. The closest he ever got to taking care of himself.

I stepped into his path. “You’re not over her.”

“And if I’m not?” He asked, we’d stuck to pronouns, but we both knew it was the blonde he had more of a relationship with. She was the one to challenge him, not hang on his every move. Her last rejection hurt him more than any girl had ever hurt him.

He loved her.

“What’s going on?” The more answers he gave me, the more I could piece together what he wasn’t saying. He trusted me more than anyone in the world. But the jerk was still all about leaving everyone in the cold when it came to things.

“What do you want from me? Some foolish attempt to win her back when she seems happy? I’m not Zig. I won’t drag her into my wake because I’m lonely.”

I studied his face, looking at a Miles who gave up. I didn’t really want him to chase in after Maya again. They were stressful. But I couldn’t quite accept what he said as what he thought. It didn’t fit who Miles was. It wasn’t how he saw himself. Not- on his own. “Is that you, or something he said to you.”

“In this case he isn’t wrong. I can’t just rush in there and hurt her again.”

“Not saying you should do that, Zoe would murder you.” She would, I know she would, she fought like hell for Miles and she barely liked him. She just liked being envied. If her thing with Maya was at all serious. Which- do lesbians just not breathe!?

...I was staring again, I turned my eyes back to Miles. “What I mean is, you can’t let Tristan decide who you are. Because he was pissed you weren’t over Maya.”

“So what are you suggesting.”

I moved Miles so Maya and Zoe were behind us, out of sight. Not out of mind, yet. “There are hundreds of girls at this school. Cute. Hot. Smart. Dumb. And everywhere in between. And guys, I guess, too. Not Tristan. But other guys. Pick one. Pick more than one.”

Miles raised an eyebrow at me, “You miss being my wingman that much?”

“I miss you being fun. This brooding sadsack is not nearly as entertaining.” It was true, we hadn’t gotten in trouble in months. It was weird, I couldn’t deal with it. I watched as Miles considered various people. His eyes lingered on Frankie’s friends long enough to give me hope. I wasn’t sure if he was looking at the cute one or the sporty one. Then his eyes were drawn to that hippy guy from the drama department for a few moments. Not… bad, I guess. I don’t get the appeal of boys.

“I’ll think about it.” Miles offered, which was better than nothing. “Unless you’re only doing this to get me out of the house to make out with my sister.”

I will not say that isn’t a factor. Because it is. It is very hard to make out with my girlfriend knowing her brother is in another room of the house. Let alone anything past kissing. Not that- I didn’t feel ready for it. I’m sure when Frankie was ready I would know because she’d freak out.

It was cute, but it also made it clear. Like the time she sent me a topless selfie because her mother was making her dress up like a prop for a photoshoot. “Listen, you’ll feel better when you’ve jumped out of the window of a girl’s room because her parents were home early.”

“You… do know me very well, Chewie.”

"Which is why you trust me when I say don't get back together with Tristan."

"Is it because he's a guy?"

It was, and it wasn't. While that was different, I didn't care that much. The problem was Tristan was so… "It's because he's a jerk! Who couldn't care less while you were spiraling out of control. And only saw an issue with you when he figured out you were hung up on a girl who still cared enough to worry about you. He outed Maya just to hurt her to hurt you."

"But some other guy."

"Literally anyone else but Maya, because she's taken. Zoe, because she's also taken. Tristan, because he's an asshole. And Arlene."

"...wait, why not Arlene?"

"Your brother likes her."

"Gotcha. I can manage that. It still leaves basically the entire school."

"Thank you." It almost sounded like Miles was Miles again. Almost, something was still wrong. "What is it?"

"Just- something about Maya. She kept hinting about something that happened. I just- worry. She's an open book except that one thing."

"If you two are friends, just friends because she's super off limits right now, she'll maybe tell you. But you're not exactly open about all that's wrong with you."

"...fair. Thanks, Chewie. Now, do you think I have a shot with Lola?"

I was so glad to have my best friend back. My girlfriend might kill him, and me, for this. But- "Of course you do, have you seen you?"

***

“So, what do you think about the newest power couple on campus?” Frankie asked me. Miles was off galavanting. He said he found a challenge that would keep him occupied, and thanked me for the pep talk. I was sure he’d call eventually needing a rescue from some misadventure.

It was nice for things to be normal.

“Is it us?”

She rolled her eyes. I knew it wasn’t us, but I didn’t want to just- say who it was. “No. Maya and Zoe. It’s kinda all anyone talks about.”

“It’s weird, but other than the fact that I keep waiting for Zoe to beat up Tristan behind the greenhouse I don’t really think about it too often.”

Frankie watched me.

“Other than when I made sure your brother was okay with it.” She smiled, cuddled up closer to me, but didn’t say anything else right away.

We didn’t talk about Miles much, we had to keep some boundaries. And neither Hollingsworth was quite ready to know intimate details of the other, unless absolutely necessary for the sake of personal safety. But she was worried about him, just as I was.

“I just- I don’t get how Zoe could go from hating Maya to dating her like that. Don’t you have to- you know, like your girlfriend?”

It was rattling around in my head, while trying to get to the bottom of why Miles was messed up. “I think… she never hated Maya as much as she didn’t know what she was feeling.” Zoe was cruel in a lot of ways, not to the degree Tristan could be. Tristan did hate Maya, he hated her for all she had, and all she was. And it took the whole Yates thing to get him to own up to those feelings.

Zoe… wanted to be better than Maya.

“Why are you thinking about them?”

“Just- it’s so weird. Zoe went from jumping from guy to guy to having Lesbian flag stickers on her locker.” Frankie was thinking about it more than just it being ‘weird.’ She was avoiding saying what she was thinking about, which meant it was embarrassing, or she was worried how I’d react. Or both, both is always an option.

“If you’re curious I wouldn’t mind watching you experiment with someone.”

She slapped my chest. Harder than I think she meant to. It hurt. I’m delicate. “Perv. But… what if I’m not straight either. I was sure Miles would have more than one girl knocked up before the end of high school. And I was sure Zoe would just keep looking for the hottest hunk to hang off of. But now… it’s all different.”

I didn’t laugh, Frankie's worried. She had always tried to perfect things, even when all she was to me was ‘Miles’s kid sister.’ So I knew not to laugh, but I wasn’t really sure what she wanted me to say to reassure her. This was where Miles was easier. ‘You’re not a loser, you’re my best friend. Make out with someone hot until you feel better.’

None of those were things I could use on Frankie. “I think I’d figure out if you were just pity dating me. And if you’re bi… so what, your brother’s bi and nothing really changed.”

She stared at me.

“Dating Tristan isn’t even the worst choice he’s ever made, and you know it.”

She made a face. ‘Vivian’ was our pick for ‘worst choice Miles ever made.’ Because of the two thousand dollars she stole from him AFTER convincing him he looked better in eyeliner.

“But dad…”

“Your dad’s always had it in for Miles. Giving him a new reason hasn’t erased the laundry list from before.”

I avoided talking about her dad. I didn’t know what sort of eavesdropping gear he’d set-up in the house. But Frankie loved her dad, and didn’t quite grasp that his love for her was the same as his hate for Miles.

All about himself.

And I didn’t want that fight, I couldn’t handle it.

“Just- what if I’m not who I think I am.”

“So long as you’ll still talk about comics with me while you’re in a bikini, I think I’ll be fine.”

She smirked.

“Or less.”

She kissed me. I felt this was, as good a time as any, to shut up. Just enjoy my super pretty girlfriend kissing me and appreciating my jokes, and not screw this up by talking. Smartest choice I could make.

***

"Go away."

"You're not the boss of me," he sat down, next to me. He wanted something. He wouldn't bother me if he didn't want something. But he wasn't going to ask.

"Miles is my best friend, Maya's my friend too. Zoe… doesn't hate me, you've managed to hurt all of them, all at once. Whatever you want, get lost."

Tristan scoffed, "Who said I wanted anything?"

"You've only ever talked to me to get close to Miles. You absolutely blew that up. Leave."

"It isn't my fault I-"

"Dumped him 'cause a girl was nice to him? Outed her to spite him? Ignored all his warning signs cause they interfered with your delusions!?" I stood, started gathering my things. I couldn't make him leave, but I sure didn't need to stay. "Zoe had her reasons for not coming out. But you didn't care, even if you two were somehow friends. You just want to hurt everyone because you can't get what you want. Because you haven't cared about anyone other than yourself! All the crap you said to Miles?"

Tristan tried to talk, I cut him off.

"They apply to you too. You'll hurt everyone in your life. Drive them all away, because they don't revolve around you  _ all the time _ . Congrats, you lost your first boyfriend because you were insecure, about a girl who you hurt because she wanted to protect you. All so you could get some satisfaction watching them all be in pain." My voice had raised more than I expected when I started, "Don't talk to me, I don't care. Everyone is better off without you."

I didn't look back as Tristan started trying to argue, I didn't care.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night in the Cardinal house, with its new member.
> 
> Grace's POV.

I’ve gotten a few tattoos.

Nothing big, or fancy, just… things for me. And every time they hurt. And I know each one will hurt, but it still feels weird when I get one. I know what I’m getting into, but it’s always going to hurt.

Sorta like how no matter how I want to prepare for my best friend coming over to make out with her girlfriend, it still lingered in the back of my mind. Regardless of where I was in the house, or what I did to distract myself.

Although… it was better when I wasn’t in the room. Sure I can bury myself in metal music, doing homework on my laptop. But I knew, right now, they were doing that gross thing couples do when they get to steal time with each other. I did get it.

Okay, I didn’t get it, I’ve never had anyone in my life I felt so invested in sucking face with. But whatever, it made Maya happy, and as far as I could tell Zoe didn’t suck. She did suck, but somehow she’s become a reasonable human being.

Kinda wanted my best friend back.

But she’d be all mopey and sad if she didn’t have access to her girlfriend. She got that way whenever someone she loved was just out of reach, even when  _ she cut the cord _ . So I can’t keep her either way.

I looked up as the door opened, my mom standing there. “Maya, your mom was clear on your curfew, especially with Zoe staying here.”

I looked over at the pair, Maya and Zoe sprawled out on the bed. Maya on top, thankfully both dressed, but clearly looked like they just spent a half hour sucking face. She looked at me, “You don’t have to stay in the room with them, even if her mother made that seem like a requirement.”

“Wifi’s stronger in here,” I answered. It was true, but it also wasn’t the point. I didn’t need mom lying for them. And- whatever. They were being gross. But it made them happy.

The lovebirds detangled, Maya gave me a hug. Then headed out. I was about to put my headphones back on.

“Sorry.”

“Excuse me?” Zoe and I talked but we were still kinda new to living together. Yes, I know, I invited her to stay with me. I expected it was until we worked out a better answer. Moneybags could have handled four new people in that mansion and nobody would notice. We were only friends in how many people we had in common.

“Just- making you a third wheel, I have a few nights next week where I’m busy. If you want your friend back.”

This was definitely not the girl who started at Degrassi this year. Not by a long shot. That was- awareness. Of others. And not for personal benefit. “I- it’s fine.”

She stared at me, “I’m a random stranger you barely know, and you let me live here.”

“Not a choice I thought I’d make either. But it isn’t like options were plentiful.” Of course, there was another element to why I invited her into my home. It was a lot easier to figure out if her game, if she had one, with her in my sights.

Friends close. Enemies closer.

“Yeah- I kinda don’t have a lot of people that see me as worth anything. It’s kinda just Zig, Maya, and Miles.” Zoe scoffed, “I keep stealing her people. I don’t even mean to.”

“That’s hardly your fault, that’s really just how Blondie does things. She never thinks it through, she just- does.” What I did, inviting her home with me. I just- acted. I didn’t think about the logistics. I just saw it was something I could do. And nobody else could. The math was easy enough. When did I pick up Maya’s bad habits? I always thought through my plans, weighed them, carefully. I never just acted like this.

“How’d she try to save you?”

“Oh, she paid me to help her fit in with the other Remedial students. Then realized that acting like losers wasn’t anything we should aspire to.” It was wild, a prank so simple, so easy to see through. But Maya trusts everyone so easily. And when she saw our antics she promptly laid into us about who we should be. Who we can be.

As much as it was about her, it was also about us.

“That weird punk phase?”

I nodded, “I wish she went back to it. I keep offering to pierce her nose for real but she never takes me up on it.”

Zoe smiled, “I did like the look on her, it contrasted so well.”

I studied her, she wasn’t lying. “So how long have you know, you were-”

“A lesbian?” Zoe frowned, “Dunno. I know my interest in boys wasn’t mine. It was hers. I can’t really remember liking a guy, even with Drew.”

“El Presidente, not Moneybags?” Not what I was expecting. I knew the two had history thanks to the party. My part in hunting down the boys that decided to hurt Zoe, film it, and revel in their grossness.

“There wasn’t really any reason for Drew to be nice to me, other than the sex. But at the time he had a fantastic fiance and I was just- some girl.” That felt very wrong, but I got it. I understood that idea. Nobody had ever been there for me. Other than my mom. Which separated me from her. Since Zoe moved in here I’ve had a few run-ins with Mrs. Rivas and her special brand of hate.

Glad I’m not Zoe.

But what we share is that loneliness. Before Tiny and Zig, everyone wanted my mind to answer their problems. Change grades, spy on exes, run elaborate confidence schemes online. Tiny found a friend as smart as him (smarter, let’s be honest). Who didn’t fit the rest of the school either. And Zig… is a giant goofy puppy dog.

If I had a cute run-in with Drew Torres, would I be Zoe? Nobody ever looked at me and made me feel like that.

Did I want to feel like that?

“What about you, any past romances, since we’re sharing like friends?”

The shift in her body was weird. She was stiffer, less relaxed. That mask of aloofness returned. “Not really my thing. I got a girl to hand over her phone number once, but… I dunno, she was sketchy.”

The Cheerleader who had her eyes on Zigmund, Gloria, seemed more interested in me once she found out I had some credit with computers. She also, after a quick bit of digging, had a boyfriend. So whatever her game with Zig was, and later with me, I wanted no hand in it.

“Is this you don’t want romance, or you never saw a shot at it?” There was another shift in Zoe, she didn’t relax, but she moved to lean a little closer. Curiosity? I suppose she had as many questions about who I was as I had about her.

“Both?” Neither? “I never had a princess phase, once I discovered hair dye, computers, and comfy jeans with pockets I never tried to be cute.” I never understood the compulsion. I’d look at the waitress at the Cantina. Tiny, sweet, dumber than cotton candy. And wonder how we lived on the same planet. I’d look at Maya, driving herself to an early grave with worry over this boy or- now, this girl. And be glad I never felt like that.

“You’re lucky. Boys are dumb, and girls are complicated.”

I smirked, “Those are the options? Then why do you do it?” I didn’t feel she was wrong, but if she felt that way she didn’t need to date Maya.

Zoe shrugged, “Kissing makes all that go away. And no matter how complicated Maya is… she saw more to me. Which is a lot easier to remember when she looks at me-”

“Like she wants to rip your clothes off?”

“Well, yes,” Zoe considered, “That she wants nothing to come between us.”

I could see the value in that. In theory, I’ve never felt anything like it. Was that on me, or was that just not for me? “You’re not as scary as you tried to be.”

“Uh, thanks.”

“And if you hurt Maya I’ll kill you.”

Zoe rolled her eyes, “You’re like the fourth person to make that threat.”

“So what about you and Maya’s shared former best friend. The asshole who sold you both out?”

“I owe him for revealing how horrible my mother is. Which is why I explained what he did to Katie.”

I was a freshman when Katie Matlin was a student at Degrassi. I didn’t know her, or her relationship to Maya. I just remember Marisol and Katie were judgmental queen bees intent to belittle and diminish the strange and unusual in Degrassi. And then Katie twisted from perfect teacher’s pet to punk-adjacent and was far less concerned getting in trouble.

And absolutely willing to threaten boys who said something gross about her sister. I’d seen it first hand, after that make-over Katie nearly dislocated a hockey player’s shoulder. And he wasn’t even being gross about Maya.

I was impressed.

“Does he know?”

“Oh, he knows. I told him, the look on his face was priceless.” There was the girl from earlier this year. The cruel monster who reveled in the suffering of others. Savoring the memory of whatever face Tristan Milligan made.

I could respect it, right here. And I was kinda sad I never got to see it.

Maybe I was also a monster. Maybe the worst in us just came out, when there was something at stake. And, hell, that’s fine with me. Anyone who wanted to hurt Maya deserved a bit of pain. “Okay Rivas, you’re alright.”

She got up to flourish a curtsy. “Why thank you. Now, get out. I wanna get changed for bed.”

I sighed, “Alright, I’m going.”

She followed me to the door, not entirely sure why. “Grace?”

“Yeah?” Not sure what else there could be, she did just kick me out.

“I’ve only ever gotten to have a sister on TV, like once. Is this what it’s normally like?”

My sister and I could never talk this honestly, we were too far removed by age and- nature. But… “Yeah, this is close enough.”

Zoe smiled but quickly crushed the emotion down, back behind that aloof look she practiced so hard. “Good to know.”

She could use more friends. If I was honest, so could I. Maybe she could stay a bit longer, if no other answers come up. It’ll be fine. I think. “Don’t hog the bathroom in the morning.”

“You take longer than me!”

Definitely like siblings, eventually.

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when I dig through old tweets and discovery one where I complain 'Maya's first time should have been with Zoe in Thunderstruck' so here we are.
> 
> And then, in a show of self control, I waited until after sleeping to write it up. So it had way less typos than it would have if I wrote it at 3 AM!


End file.
